Tony Brown Art Blog

A funny thing happened on the way to the market. I died. More specifically, I was assassinated. Tiny micro robots well trained in the many ways of killing a human being. I suspect they were sent for me by the Hamburger Three, a secret organization whose goal is to continue the spread of fast food around the world and beyond. Could be related to the comment I left on the Ronald McDonald’s MySpace Page. Basically, I said that he is a scary clown, and that he should consider using meat from organic farms for his food joints. When you are dead, it is hard to tell what is real and what is a dream. For example, when you are alive and you see a fire breathing dragon, you naturally assume you are dreaming. When you are dead, you can’t make that assumption. I digress. Since dying, I find myself asking questions such as:
Am I supposed to be somewhere?
How do I find the famous people?

Where is my body?
Why am I here?
Basically the same kind of questions I asked when I was alive. As I make my way through the dark halls of the netherworld, I am surprised to find advertising on the walls. The ads are mostly for private investigators. You know, stuff like “Find out who killed you”, “Did the cubs ever win the world series?”, or the strangely common ad “Find out what happened to your pet ferret named Fred.” The ads don’t have a phone number, instead they have you think about some obscure object or idea which will connect you with that person’s afterlife virtual phone. As you can imagine there are many “wrong numbers” due to this strange system. Just the other day I was thinking about a tiger solving a Rubik’s cube and suddenly I heard a voice. “Hello, Tom’s thought suppression , how can I help you?”

…Time is different here. There are TV like devices all around that allow you to watch your, as well as others, entire life unedited. I watched my whole life in what seemed like the amount of time to the watch the movie Inland Empire by David Lynch. Both were kind of confusing and hard to follow.

…I come upon a river of cheese whiz. I know it’s cheese whiz because it is yellow and filled with cheese whiz containers and former Kraft Corporation board members. My attention is drawn to the flashing sign on the other side of the river that reads “FUN!” I can’t resist this giant neon sign. I find a vessel along the shore that appears to be giant Popsicle sticks glued together. I jump on and push off. The current suddenly picks up. I am swept over a waterfall. The cheese whiz tastes like chocolate.

… Rumor on the cloud streets is that there is a way out for those whose lives were taken unnaturally. You must rub the belly of former American president Teddy Roosevelt while singing the theme song to the TV series Facts of Life. After a long search I find the former president. I ask him if I can rub his belly. He says go ahead, and asks me if I would like some ice cream. I start rubbing and start to sing:

“ You take the good, you take the bad, you them both, and there you have the facts of life…”

…I awake to the ringing of my alarm. Something makes me think of an old saying that says something like: “In dreams begin reality”. I think to myself: “I’m screwed!”

Tony Brown 2009